I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
