We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
