When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
