thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
