i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
