I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
