We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Couch. On fire.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
