I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
