Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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