Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
