I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
