I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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