I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
