Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
