Already got asked if we're dating
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
