I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
