But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
