I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
