he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
