forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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