don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
