Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just tell him i said nine months
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
