I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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