put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
