just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
