I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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