he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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