thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
