i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
