Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
