I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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