I'm going to jail i love you
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize