Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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