ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
