wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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