guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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