wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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