I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
