dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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