This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
