The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
