So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
