what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
