apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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