You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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