sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
