Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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