So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
