and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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