There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
