I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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