please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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