I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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