You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
