ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
