Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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