god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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