is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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