we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
