Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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