you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
