Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
