He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's get the cat blown out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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