so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
