you win again, gameday.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
